Mr This and Ms That..

From the time the little one has started going to school, life here in the A household has gotten much more interesting..

Whenever she is caught doing something wrong, the little imp lets her imagination run riot in developing stories that tell us why it went wrong..

She loves to carry my handbag..while we are ready to go out somewhere we suddenly here a thump and the handbag is down the stairs with the little one standing right on top of the stairs.

Her Dad and I sit her down and ask ' why did you throw the handbag down the stairs you naughty girl!'

Her reply : ' But Ms Handbag said she wanted to jump down the stairs to show her friends how far she could jump! '

This is said with her hands making cute little gestures and her big innocent puppy eyes looking up at you as earnestly as they can!

Her Dad and I struggle hard to contain our laughter and remain focused on our endeavor to discipline this errant little Pinocchio!

Another morning - her scrambled eggs are spilled, albeit a little, around her plate.

'Why did you spill your food - you are a big girl aren't ya? I thought you could eat neatly all by yourself' - This is silly old boring me.

'But amma - Mr Egg said that he wanted to dance around my plate and mmm..mmm.. I just wanted to help him!'

Nowadays I have come to enjoy these little nuggets made up by the imp that I am not sure I want to stop them coming!

God help us trying to be strict parents of this one!

Ray of Sunshine

One of my good friends has written a book and has sweetly mentioned me in his 'Acknowledgments'.

It is not your 'name-in-the-print-dream-come-true' moment exactly but given the kind of year it has been and given how much I like and respect this guy - I think I will take it and celebrate it!

Thanks HS!

p.s.  The book by the way is called 'Start me up'. A good, honest book by a good, honest guy.

Ayrton Senna and Alain Prost

Just saw a heart-rending documentary about Ayrton Senna. Three time  Formula one world champion. Record holder for one of the most pole positions. Brazil's pride.

Last driver fatality in Formula one.

Though his initial entry into the game is drive purely by passion, slowly he seems to have developed keener instincts for the politics of the game and more importantly the art of playing the press.

The ping pong actions of rivalry between  Senna and Prost are not entirely Prost's fault as the documentary will have us believe.

Senna's 'strategy' of forcing opponents  to run too close to the pitwall is what seems to have kick started the rivalry in the first place. Not just that he further ups the game in the 1989 San Marino grandprix by breaking their agreement not to get into each other's way to the first corner.

Prost , with the alleged help of Jean-Marie Balestre  the then FIA president (who was later alleged to be an ex-Nazi)  and a French man like Prost gets Senna unfairly disqualified after his fantastic win at Suzuka, the Japanese Grand Prix.

They go a few more rounds with each other with Prost going as far as putting a clause in his contract with Williams to NOT sign up Senna as his team mate knowing fully well Senna's efforts at that time to sign up with Williams.

Despite this and more, post Senna's untimely and tragic demise at just 34 years old at the 1994 San Marino Grand Prix, Prost was one of six pall bearers and was a trustee of the Ayrton Senna institute.


I have always been amazed by the ability of men to generously forgive.

And the general inability of us women to do so.

Anyways, a meteoric life though it might be, I think Ayrton had packed more fun, fight, passion and love in his short life than most of us in a longer life time.

A wonderful watch. Recommended.

Letters to my daughter - 1

Dear Princess

For reasons that we both know..I would like to record forever the kind of mom I intend(ed) to be..so you will know..no matter what..

1. I love you. Irrespective of whether you play the piano well or swim well or read well or eat without spilling.. I love you just as you are and just as you will be. To know you is to love you and to be your mum is to love you unconditionally.

 I have a part to play in who you are and I will never turn away from that truth. If we are good, we are good together and if we are bad, we are so together.

2. We fight. A lot. You are just 4 years old but you have strong opinions and  clear communication. I encourage you to contradict me when you feel I am in the wrong. This is because I want you to develop a strong character, an individual thought process.

But remember.. we always fight with a view to Understand and be Understood. We never fight to win. Different opinions can co-exist happily. You might believe in something exactly opposite to me but that is not going to stop me from loving you or you me.

We shall never be that insecure in our beliefs.

3. Already you speak about things I do not understand ('One direction!' - At 4 years! I only know they are a band!) but I promise I will not judge you just because you seek things I do not understand. I will try my best to understand them with you and on my own. My values are going to be different to yours..but that does not mean you are bad or I am..it just means that we are different because we belong to different generations.

We shall always celebrate that difference and grow/evolve more because of it.

4.I love(d) every minute of being your mom. Yes, I have made sacrifices but those were conscious choices by me. Those sacrifices were made towards my happiness which at that moment was from yours. So, in all  you owe me - Absolutely Nothing.

I have always striven (with your dad's help) to maintain a balance between my space, my time and my duties to you. Never in my life do I want to hold you accountable for something I have missed out in my life. You have done nothing but enhance my life. Made me a better person. Relaxed me. Taught me to open my heart and love more.

If you want to give me something at all..it is this. Be true to your heart. Be sensible and safe in your life. Demand the best from life. Deserve nothing less.

Most importantly..love your child as unconditionally as or even better than I love you. And tell her to do the same to her/his child.

5. We do get angry with each other. Then we take a break from each other. (Mostly you declare that you are taking a break from me even while continuing to happily sit on my lap and play..) But we always get back. Because I am your mum and you are my daughter and we love each other and that is the final truth. We make it a point to say that we love each other before we take a break.

These breaks are, for now only for a grand total of 5 minutes.

But I know that when you are a teenager you might want longer breaks from me and I from you. We shall give each other that space. But at the end of it we will be eagerly waiting for each other - always. The break is for our anger not for our love. This is a promise and a commitment I learnt from your dad. And  now I pass it on to you.


6. I am always going to be jealous of the love between you and your dad. While I plan and pray and strive and practically stand upside down to let you know that I love you.. he does it so effortlessly. He seems to have communicated all of the above and more..without writing or saying a single word.

But remember - all said and done.. he is a 'boy' and we are the team committed to 'Girl power! ' So all the secrets are just between us!  :)

Love you sunshine!

Shall write more as and when my heart is again so full of love that I can't take it anymore without writing down atleast some of it :)

Amma.

Countries and People

Just counted 12 + countries that I have been to..want to jot down thoughts as they come before I forget my experience in each of those..

Do note that these are my very personal opinions and are to be taken with loads of salt..

I have not visited all the places in each of these countries - not even all the important, ' must visit' places..so this is more like 'notes to myself' than a guidance to others!

So here I go in descending order of  having visited them..

Turkey (Only Istanbul)

 Unbelievably child friendly. Everybody seems to love children. We received loads of chocolates from complete strangers just because our little imp was with us!  Not very familiar with English. But still easy to navigate the country. Topakapi palace in Istanbul is easily the best feature. The weather ( in June) was awesome! Do not forget to dine with a view of the Bosphorus Strait  at the Topakapi Palace. An awesome experience. The Chora church is a treasure for history buffs and the yearabatan cistern for Dan Brown fans! Hagia sophia and the blue mosque absolute delights to explore :)

Spain

Either the language or the way people spoke it..came across as very rude. The castillians as opposed to the Spaniards seemed cooler. More down to earth. Valencia has a wonderful sand beach. Do not miss the Sagrada Familia church and Park Guell by Antoni Gaudi. An evolving project that has gone on for a century (Sagrada Familia)..very impressive - in concept and in reality.

The Alhambra palace - I hear is built as the Moors' imitation of the Paradise. I did not get a chance to see it. I did see the Royal Palace which was just another beautiful European place of grandeur. But the Alhambra, I believe is something else altogether.


Holland

Love the Dutch. They switch between english and Dutch effortlessly and without sulking like the French. They seem secure in their language and their love for it! Stayed at Den Haag. Less crowded than Amsterdam. The canals,the tulips, the people, Van Goh's museum, Anne Frank and the annexe where that brave little girl hid.. what is not to admire and love about Holland?

Belgium

The Grand Place may be?. Give the Atomium and  the Mannequin de Pis a miss. Nothing much to be impressed about either. But  - do not miss the gourmet food. Choclates, Biscuits, Waffles and Cream. Go to Belgium just for the Waffles :)

France -Paris

The most child un-friendly european city I have ever been to. Children are merely tolerated.

 Do learn as much French as you can. Parisians sulk at having to listen to you speak English -forget about talking to you in English. ( And I do speak un peu de French and it was only by mistake did I slip into English) But if you even attempt to speak French..they melt (while correcting you of course..)

But the place. Paris. What is it about the Champs de Elysees that charms you and makes you fall in love.?. The Tuileries, Notre Dame, La Sacre Coeur..the Louvre.. Paris has got the X factor.. you cannot put your finger on it.. but I am yet to meet somebody who has not loved Paris.

Switzerland

Switzerland has three sectors - the Italian, German and French sectors. I have never been to Germany and I know only one German ( a colleague - and she was a sweet heart) but the population in the German sector were unpleasant to say the least. If you make your money off tourists, the least you can do is be polite to them. Especially when they are trying their best to be good to you.

It was a pleasure to visit the other two sectors. We stayed at Engelberg. I cannot for the life of me imagine what Heaven can possibly have that betters this. What can the man/woman up there possibly add?  The greenery, the cows with the gentle bells, the clouds elegantly crossing your balcony, the lovely people..I think Engleberg and I think peace, happiness, love, relaxation, beauty. Enough said.

Geneva, Lucerne, Zurich - it is beauty that never bores.

Italy

Love, love, love the mad Italians. They did not care that you did not speak Italian. They did not care that they did not know English. They could not understand, for the life of them, why that should stop us from having a conversation! Every Italian we met had something  random to say about Silvio Ber*coni and in the same breath 'la bella bambino!' - our little imp!

Rome was the ultimate historical paradise. Give Naples a big miss except for the lovely island of Capri. Venice - the Gondoliers and their songs.. St Mark Square and the Pigenos - a 'Namaste' from every Venetian you meet - an awesome memory.

 Florence - Read about the Stendhal Syndrome - it is no exaggeration..I was stunned by the sheer beauty of the city.

Walk the city of Rome - in the night. The experience is like none other.

Sistine Chapel's ceilings by Michaelangelo and the Piata in Vatican are artworks that even an art idiot like me could stare at for hours for and be mesmerised..so do not miss them at any cost!

Singapore

Visited twice for work. The rainy and sunny afternoons were an unexpected pleasure (when indoors!) Stayed at the Swissotel. The staff were lovely beyond words!

Do not miss the 'Night Safari' - especially if you have kids (or animal-loving husbands like me!). Never made it to Sentosa Island so nothing more to add here.

Orchard road is good for shopping ( or was when I visited 6 years ago!)

Maldives

A collection of islands that take your breath away even as you travel from the airport to one of those islands to your hotel! But nothing much to do except to parasail, snorkel, swim and relax by the beach!

Went for an off-site conference at work so it was an all paid for holiday with work colleagues!

Enough said :)

Did not see enough people to know how they were. Was busy relaxing :)

Mauritius

Unlike Maldives, there is a little bit more to do than just deep sea diving and snorkeling ..you could visit the seven coloured earth at Chamarel or visit the Pamplemousse botanical garden or watch the sunset/sunraise at Ile aux cerfs..

A perfect destination to unwind and relax.

Though the island is populated by many Indian origin farmers, they fiercely identify themselves as mauritians and most know no other language other than French/Creole.

Nepal
It was a good 10 years ago and all I can remember is the river rafting in the Bhote Koshi river ..it was the first time and there was no looking back after that.. fell in love with River Rafting forever..

Once again - a work sponsored trip - so the entire team stayed at a 5 star hotel and it was simply awesome!

Was not otherwise very impressed. People of course were pleasant and kind.

The United States of America
A family trip to visit my brother. My first trip abroad when I was just 16. Was impressed with everything. The statue of liberty, LosAngeles, Washington, the Florida beaches, Washington, the friendly Americans saying 'hi' wherever you went.. the entire 'foreign' experience including the Pittsburg temple! :)

Seems so naive now.

Have no idea what the 'older' me will now feel!

Other than the above.. have been living in the UK for a while now.. Edinburgh and London are simply awesome..K used to work from Southbank, London and visiting him was always a pleasure for more than one reason!

 The British stiff upper lip - is no exaggeration. They rarely show their emotions, they are unfailingly polite even when they are extremely angry with you, they value their own as well as your privacy but unfortunately they have an astonishingly vague historical knowledge of their own country's involvement in other countries. (of course they know the British had colonies and they 'modernised' those colonies..but that is that!)

Given that my kid is now British..I hope to teach her a lot more than what her school history books teach her about the history between her country and the country of her parents' origin.

Anyways.. in India, have lived and worked in Gujarat, Delhi, Mumbai, Bangalore and Chennai. Given that I lived in South Gujarat - only saw the peaceful and vegetarian side of them! Vapi and Baroda will always be my favourite destinations. Delhi - less said the better. Mumbai - not for me but I can see why mumbaikars love their city. Bangalore - No other city has had it's potential squandered so badly! Chennai - again not for me but I can see why Chennaiites love their city.

Coimbatore - There is no other place/people that I love /respect more and there is no other place where I do not fit  anymore..at all.. THE irony of my life..

Lastly there is an awesome place in Kumbakonam called 'Mantra Veppathur'..had a lovely time in the last visit to India.. a fantastic place to relax and unwind..

P.S Special  mention - Marriott Courtyard Chennai - stayed here in the last visit to India ..the best service we ever experienced. An absolutely brilliant team of service personnel.

Things to remember before undergoing major surgery

a. Shower with Hibiscrub the day before and the day of the surgery. Keeps the germs away. Just like that.

b. Stop eating 24 hours before you go under anesthesia. Puking on the surgery table is something you do not want to do.

c. Talk out all your fears with a good friend of yours. You will feel unbelievably free and light hearted post that! (Thanks a ton CK!)

d. Once you cross that bridge of fear..you will cross every day till the day of your surgery with hope, optimism and a determination to make every minute count!

e. Make sure your loved ones are the last faces you see before you go under and the first faces you see on waking up..believe me you..it doubles your rate of recovery

f. Go on a trip. Yes. Before your surgery, go on a lovely trip with those you care about. Your body relaxes and your mind has sunny memories to fall back upon while recovering in the hospital bed.

g. Get back to work as soon as you can. Especially if your co-workers are British. They believe in Dignity in adversity and will simply love you for it.

h. Marry a good man. A telugu man preferably. I did. Nothing in life seems to faze them. Everything is to be taken lightly. (Light-ka theesko!) Anything can be handled. One step at a time. No fuss. But always there. Right by you ( Not behind, not ahead but by you..holding your hand) Every. Single. Time.

17.05.2013 - Janikka maruththa Janani

4 months for you
A life time for us.
 

Ayaan Hirsi Ali

Had first read her book 'Infidel' and was very impressed. Then read her autobiography 'Nomad' and was less so.  The production of the movie 'Submission' and the subsequent murder of  the director Theo Van Goh made me want to know her better.

What is amazing about her is her travel from a barely-literate, ultra orthodox muslim woman to a political and religious satirist of international fame. So much so that she was rated oneof Time magazine's 100 most influential people of the world in 2005.

Having grown with very orthodox religious views in Mogadishu/Saudi Arabia and Nigeria - her life takes a turn when she escapes her arranged marriage and illegally immigrates to the Netherlands. There she absorbs and internalizes the Dutch values of freedom of thought, respect for women and religious tolerance in the most simple terms and re-evaluates her stand towards religion in general and Islam in particular.

What is amazing is her decision to take up Political science as a major, graduate from Leiden university and then become a member of the Dutch parliament ..All individual, daring achievements from a woman who's live was completely controlled by others for the first 22 years of her life!

While her fight against FGM (Female Genital Mutilation) is admirable and her bravery in questioning most of the restrictive practices that enslaves women in her native culture is admirable - what is not acceptable for me - is her tendency to see everything that is western as right and everything that is native to her as wrong.

Christianity and Islam and (Hinduism for that matter) they all have their hits and misses. Most importantly they only make sense if read in the context of their times and geo-political realities of that time. If taken out of context they all are nothing but rants. So to idolize one religion and demonize another is just not acceptable.

She seems to have a failure similar to Arundhati Roy - a tendency to get hyper, to get carried away, to stereotype that which has hurt you , your society - and try to fight the symptom than examine and eradicate the cause. ( Read 'The algebra of infinite justice' - by Arundhati Roy and you will know what I mean)

Why is her culture, her society 'repressive' - does she think the west had nothing to do with it? Also does she realise that just a century back, the same Christianity that has evolved so much, did treat it's women as property and England did not give voting rights to women until 1918? There was a time when women could be whipped in England legally by their husbands if he judged it right to do so..So yes - her society much like the one that I was born in to is taking some more time to evolve - and with good reason. It is the western attitude of keeping the occupied natives' intelligentsia corrupt and weak that played a large part in keeping these societies primitive.

And I would not blame the western world either. They did what they had to - To survive and to win. So the way to fight this historical baggage is to treat the cause and educate and support. Not moralize and condemn.

I don't see how you can  truly appreciate a foreign culture, if you have not even made the attempt to understand and examine your own!

If a moslem woman chooses to wear a burqua, to condemn and ridicule  it is as vile as forcing a woman to wear it.

'Choice' is what defines freedom not what you or I think is 'Right'. The way forward is to produce avenues for children, the future- to recognize , demand and create those choices. Not demonizing a whole culture that defines who they are.

Catharine the Great - By Robert K Massie

Have been into historical fiction for a while now. Started with the Tudors with a view to understanding the country that is my home now. Read and understood the metamorphosis of England to Great Britain and was hooked. So started reading the histories of other countries as well.

By chance - came to admire two historical figures quiet a lot! Isabella of Castille and Catharine the Great of Russia. Isabella of Castille  had one great failing though. Her pedantic and ruthless commitment to Catholicism as the only true faith. This one weakness not only be-smirched her rule by robbing it off the excellent moorish medical and astronomical knowledge it also played it's part in ruining the life of her grand daughter - Mary I of England. Just a little broad mindedness that accommodated other faiths would have stood them both in good stead and written history differently.

But Catharine the Great of Russia - is a truly phenomenal woman in every way. Brought to Russia from Germany at a mere 15 year old,, her practical outlook  catapults her from a mere consort of the heir to the Empress of  one of the greatest powers of Europe in the 1700's.

Her response for every adversity in her life is measured and practical. According to her memoirs she is influenced by Voltaire's thoughts about God  only much later in life. As I interpret it Voltaire says to her  - There is no God but nature. To worship God is to live your best in the ecosystem that you were born in - adjusting, growing, accommodating, overcoming and surviving- . That is all that is there to it.

But she seems to have the instinct to survive well before that.

She is hated by her mom - she learns to accept that but focus instead on her own intellectual and physical well being. She is made the Grand Duchess of Russia - an orthodox Christian country against her own Lutheran faith - she chooses to accept it and convert and learn the language of Russia - recognizing her need to survive and grow in this new country. She is married to Peter - an overgrown, insecure tantrum throwing child who fights his future - she chooses to try and guide him to prepare to be an emperor than fight her fate and his.

When the time comes, her husband plans to discard her and ill treats her - she lets her popularity place her in the throne of Russia in a coup d'etat that against her wishes ends up killing her husband. And once an empress - she sets out to do the best for her country. Be it inviting the best artists of her age and building an eclectic art collection for Russia, establishing an architectural landscape and a knowledge base of books that places Russia firmly in the higher echelons of the intelligentsia, or publishing the 'Nakaz' a political and constitutional commentary that was way ahead of her time - this woman never stopped trying to better herself and hence her country.

What impresses me most is the she balances passion and practicality. She never allows her passion to undermine her authority/mortality as an empress.

When the whole world saw torture as an acceptable form of questioning, she  sees the absurdity of it and bans it; When serfdom/slavery  was an accepted way of life she challenges it - but is also wise enough to sense that the time is not right and back out graciously. But it is these seeds of thought that allow her great grandson Alexander II to abolish serfdom completely through his Emancipation Reform of 1861.

Robert K Massie chronicles her history out of memoirs and other historical documents interspersed with his own comments. But the books was extremely interesting and captivating - more than highly fictionalized history of the ilk of Philippa Greggory or Jean plaidy.

A wonderful read.

Kadal and Raavanan

As with a lot of people, I was an ardent Maniratnam fan. But after 'Ravannan' and 'Kadal' - unlike others - am even more so. As a director he seems to be evolving by leaps and bounds in the past few years and especially so, with the last 2 movies. ( Even I who loved Raavanan could not stand 'Raavan' - the hindi version though..the lead actor was THAT bad..). The layered themes seem to explore the grey areas in human emotions - that mid path between good and bad - that 'normal' path that most  of us fall into while judging everybody including ourselves errantly to be one or the other.

Raavan - hero does the perceived ultimate sin in an evolved culture ' piranmanai nokkal'..but I always had a bee in my bonnet vis-a-vis such rules. To admire, even love thy neighbour's wife in itself cannot be wrong. But to act on it, to not recognise it as trespassing on two other lives is. All the more so if it is non-consensual. I never could admire the 'ultimate goodness' or the perfect good. What is the big deal about somebody who has never tested the boundaries of the rules he has grown with, A man who has not confronted the worst of himself is a maN as good as having never truly lived..

I have in me more admiration and love for a person who has tested the edges, understood his weaknesses and learnt to master them. A man who loves without boundaries but then has the maturity to channel his love where it can cause the most good. A man who has grown through the emotional evolution process - making mistakes, learning from them, having a realistic expectation of himself and hence of others.

Retrospectively, though I did not realise it then, the reason I married my K was not because of the man he was but the husband and partner  I saw that he could be. The one thing that struck me was that - no matter who - he was willing to listen and give an honest chance - even for his worst detractors there was no judgement just  a cool acceptance.

Today, together we have grown so much. Learning from each others diametrically opposite views, surprising each other with thoughts which we did not expect to hear from the other, finding books and movies and people and thoughts that we had never encountered before and interpreting it together and in the process learning much more than we would have on our own.

On the other hand, there were so many individuals who evoked my admiration when I was young with some evolved views, but now I realise that while I have grown and moved on to more layers, they seem stuck exactly where they were. Amazing, how an open mind can sit physically in a single place but grow exponentially whereas even a partially closed mind may travel the world but be stuck in it's prejudices, stereotypes and hence a life-rut.

Anyways, Kadal - the one take way for me was this. If only the relatively minor infraction was forgiven or atleast given a proportionate punishment, a potential God's man would not have become the devil's  instrument that he had. 'Sam' in his self-righteousness saw only the devil in 'Bergmans' and it took the young 'Thomas' to bring out the human, natural , evolved good in both.

A man is never to be judged by what he is but by what he could be. If this were true, the world would be a much better place.

Mani - I agree.