Also, while in our previous house, every day morning was a hassle, with me having to put her contacts in, I grew sick and tired and said if she wanted contacts she had to wear them by herself in her new house.
And lo and behold, from day 1 of the end of Feb, at 12,, the contacts went in all by herself, no help needed and now I am the one missing the time spent with her, even in the morning rush!
So, what was all that display of helplessness before about?
Hmmm...
The clashes between the young one and I are achieving legendary proportions now. I understand she is approaching her teens but it is her swing between ' most mature and zen like' to ' as silly as I can be' flips that I am unable to handle! She always had strong opinions, preferences and choices and so do I - a recipe for disaster! One day, I completely broke down and said that I never imagined my relationship with her would be like this - given that she is the one person I have completely and absolutely loved, without any ego whatsoever. And I did not like the numher of conflicts we were having.
Her reply, and trust me, I quote ' Amma, we have a lovely relationship. You have to lay down the rules for me - as otherwise I may grow up into a spoilt brat. I have to keep doing naughty things as otherwise I would not enjoy my childhood. This is the normal process for both of us and we are both doing a good job. So, don't worry'. And what do you say to that???
She is clear that her career would only be something that she enjoys doing. She is not going to be competitive or ambitious. She will do what she wants every day only if she enjoys the process. And she would like to speak to as many people as she can, during the course of the day, in her job. And she would like to work in a team. But she would like to make a decent amount of money and be independent financially. This is her view of her future as of 12 years old.
True to her word, for the Chithirai Thiruvizha function, she , with her friends V and Vid practiced a few songs , went on stage and gave a phenomenal performance. Vid's mum kept saying how positive she was and for me it was clear that she completely enjoyed the practices, the time spent with her friends and most of all her spectacularly confident and cool performance on stage. No nervousness whatsoever.
She also read the Tamil thaai vazthu - the pronunciation of which she got pat down within an hour. It is not the easiest poem to conquer especially if you do not understand the language.
Her maths teacher said she was way above her grade, she received her second commendation ( commendations being rarely given out) for her presentation on who inspired her - Katnys Everden from hunger games - it used to be 'my mum' :() which apparently was brilliant in individuality and Clarity. Frustratingly, though she is the class topper in computers and coding and her teacher thinks she is a natural - she refused to take coding and is taking classical studies instead!
Given her health is slowly bouncing back, I asked her if she wanted to get back to Badminton and she said she would love to, but no tournaments, just playing for fun. Fair enough! (Though she did win Gold in her last county tournament - sigh!)
She checks on Wikepedia and Tiktok on anything ranging from history to politics - especially if it affects/involves Women, Children or Animals. She hates prejudice and challenges adults on any prejudicial statement anybody makes - including her dad and I. She is well liked by all her teachers and respected by quite a few.
She still hates time pressure and would slow even further , if rushed. Everything on her terms -which she assures me, are usually reasonable.
She is friends mostly with the non academic children at school and to be frank- she seems to prefer the absolute rule breakers. This baffles me. She herself does not break any rules (apparently everybody knows her mum is very strict!) but is very patient, understanding and kind with these rule breakers ( as they seem to be with her!) - who mostly seem to have very good skills in non academic areas (interior designing, sports, tik tok shorts) - not at all short money wise, but unconventional homes/home arrangements. She helps them with their homework, joins in their fun and is proud to be the 'nerd' in the group. She seems clear that her path is different to theirs but enjoys spending time with them.
In all, still the loveable, twinkle eyed, fun loving, spirited R that I think (and hope)she always will be!
We are indeed lucky that our lives are touched by her :) And I am not exaggerating - her teachers say how they look forward to seeing her bright smile and cheery greeting, as they walk into class. As the youngest in her class, while the others have moved on to become surly teens, this is the only 12 year old still not self conscious to say hi and chat with her teachers! :)
So, we were knackered after having moved home and still finding our things when our now 'a street away' S called us over for dinner. What a relief it was to go for some yummy fare when you are absolutely knackered and relieved that after a 3 year search and a 6 month process, you have finally moved in!
We moved in on the Friday and on Sunday was sweet R's 13th birthday celebration. Thanks to my PM skills, I had already organised school clothes, weekend class clothes and the 13th birthday celebration clothes all ready and we were good to go.
It was an unseasonably glorious day and us 8 families had a whale of a time at T and H's home. Photo shoots, elaborate home made fare, dumb charades ( Gents vs Ladies) etc was super fun. Half way through K and I had to step out as a very good friend of ours V and a builder he was hoping to go into partnership with wanted to check out our property and discuss what we needed doing. The visit went well as well. We came back again to join R and the celebrations. Coco was with his favourite care taker Frank and playmate Mark - so he had a good time as well.
In the weeks following, we had each of these couples and others visiting us every week to check out the house. The standard fare we would serve them was pongal, one pot sambar, coconut and mint chutney. We were wondering if we might as well have had a gathering and introduced them to the house all at once!
A few weeks later, the oldest couple in our group, N and S had their 50th anniversary homam and celebration. Once again, it was a lovely day and we had a great time. The best part was the late night chat where each couple, starting with them reliving the first time they met and how the marriage came about. One of the best times we ever had as a group!
K landed his next contract with his interview the day after - so , all was well.
The week after, we were invited to the house warming function of A and R and their lovely daughter V. It was the last day of R's term - she had a half day out and fun with her friends at the local mall and was too knackered to come. So, we left her and Coco at home and went and had a good time with the usual gang plus some more.
On the tamil new year's day bank holiday, we went once again to Lake district. This time around it was with 7 other families. The first day was great fun with just the ladies in a cottage playing cards and chit chatting The rest of the days were good but there were hiccups due to coordinating with such a large group and some small misunderstanding amongst the ladies.
However, R had a great time as one of our relatively new friends' daughter V got along very well with R. So, she came for a sleep over during the hols and they had a blast. So, throughout the trip as well, this child stayed with us and it was a pleasure for R, her , Coco and us!
Back from the trip, during the hols, R also had first a visit and then a sleep over with her school friend Izzy. They had a fantastic time and I felt really bad that our home was still so messy that we could not invite her over in return ( V's family is closer to us, so she did not mind the mess!)
So, though new year went well, R's health continued to be a concern. Went to a private consultant on the 4th . The unexpected side effect of that visit was that the consultant was very impressed by R's use of specific medical terminology to describe her symptoms and was very vocal about it. This in turn made R suddenly develop an interest in gynaecology and the medical field!
That aside, the very smart and charismatic lady doc reassured me that it was just a matter of time before her health settled and she could not see anything worrisome. I think this is the first time I saw really personally inspired by somebody. Strange how things work!
While we learned to manage and live with R's health, K's current contract was not going so well. Strangely, though K finds it easy to listen to me - he always clashes with female peers to whom he delivers his services. Once again, for the second time in his career, this lead to him walking out before his contract ended.
But this worked out in our favour, because after looking at around 45 plus houses since October 2002 and having sold our own house twice ( buyers from the first time had to pull out as they had waited long enough for us to find a house!) we had made an offer on a 'to be done up' property in september2002. But the agent was so bad that twice in the journey we pulled out and once they pulled out. We even made an offer on another property but having slept on it, we felt we were just losing patience and that was not the right way to decide on our forever home. So, we pulled out the next morning.
So, after many ups and downs, finally, our chain of 6, all aligned ( thanks in no small measure to K, who having broken his contract, focused all his efforts on getting this done) and on 22nd , we exchanged contracts. ( It was due on the 18th but the obnoxious solicitor of the seller, moved offices without bothering to inform anybody!)
We finally moved in on the 25th. It was drama lama till the last minute, and we moved out and sat with our things in the Morrison's car park, while the solicitor went off for a late lunch and deigned to come back at 3.30 pm to hand over our keys!
We were knackered after the shenanigans of the day. Only R had lots of fun , as she was on half-term and was in charge of coco. Coco was confused with all the busy goings on that he twice tried to make a break for it! I had to run to the streets to bring him back while R cheerfully commented ' He is so mischievous just like me, isn't he!' Grrrr!
Our sweet neighbour B gave a trove of gifts to R and took a pic with her. She also wrote her a very sweet note - 3 pages long - on how her move and adjustment from the US to the UK was made easy because of R's sunny smile every morning. Made me swell with pride!
(In fact, 3 days after we moved, yet another one of our neighbours, whom we have just waved at and smiled, found our number and messaged how much they would miss seeing R skipping and jumping to and fro the street from home!)
