Letter to my princess - 14 years old!

 Dear pattumma

Where do I begin. Has this been our toughest year yet? You are doing very well in your studies, all the grown ups are very fond of you, you still have the same joie-de-vivre as ever and we are now living in our dream home and you love your room and most of all we all love Coco - our bundle of joy!

You have now finished your Grade 5 theory and singing, Grade 6 Lamda, Grade 5 Trinity acting and DOFE Bronze. We gave away the piano as you were no longer interested.

You have newly developed interest in dancing to western as well as bollywood songs randomly. You observed they are doing squats in PE and now thoppukaranams happen without me having to ask! You listen to songs while walking Coco, so you are au fait not only with lyrics of the songs of your generation but also that of ours and beyond ( Elvis Presley ? seriously?)

You are very committed to your homework, you draw up schedules and study by yourself and set targets for yourself. You even research subjects and add value to assignments without any prompting from the teachers. Chemistry, maths, history and classical civilisation are your favourite subjects and even in the holidays you studied chemistry simply because you wanted to.

I wish the same discipline applied to cleaning your room, your ensuite, doing the dishes , loading the washing machine, hanging the clothes out when the weather is good and walking and cleaning Coco. You do all of the above, but very erratically and after much follow up! (You do play with coco all the time without any prompting!)

Not only that,  you are still struggling to wake up in the mornings, your food habits are still abominable- junk still rules, your period issues are still ongoing and you have very very high expectations from your friends and have stuck to just one close friend this year and have pushed back every body else at school. Atleast one friend did approach you on her own and while you were polite to her, you told me you are not going to let her in  to your close circle again! Outside school though, you still have many good friends.

You are thinking a lot about your future and are playing out various career choices in your head. You are following social media accounts of individuals with careers you think you like to see how their life is on a daily basis.

You still are very confidently friendly with adults and very personable. We were gobsmacked when our next door neighbours turned up with a card a day before your birthday , with no prompting. They bothered to remember and make an effort! Y uncle came as always and more grownups wished you than youngsters - even more than the year before! 

However, with me, it has been a battle of wills and lots of times it has not been very pleasant.. The biggest battle has always been about food. Sorry for that kannamma.. I only ever want the best for you and I panic everytime I think of your food habits when left on your own. You are a vegetarian , though you will have egg. But you shy away from vegetables except for cucumber and olives. All you have is cheese - feta, halloumi and Mozarella. You still drink milk straight out of the fridge. Chocolates, cheese sticks, crepes, bread and brioche fill up your tummy (and constipate it!). Drinking water is a big battle still. I despair even while writing about it!

How can somebody so smart not understand the consequences of their actions? You are still impulsive regarding food and fun and that worries me. Only for academics do you discipline yourself. In the holidays, there is no control whatsoever!

The school report praised your academics but what stood out was your form teacher calling out how impresssed she has been with your resilience and strength of character! I know of it and am proud of it but all of it matters only after your health. Please da, make healthier choices and do not given in to your impulses!

May your life be filled with joy, friendships, good health and lots of love.

Love you to the moon and back da chellame!

Amma

Summer 2023

 After a hectic academic year - but one that ended in all As and A *s,  a bronze Do*fe award , 2 physics presentation awards, grade 5 singing, grade 6 LAMDA distinction and grade 5 trinity award distinciton, the summer holidays finally dawned.

Summer this year started and ended in June, so all the get togethers etc happened in June. We also went to a day trip to Bournem*outh beach in June, without K as he was in Frank+furt. We went on the car with N, M and little S. It was a really good trip with the sun being burning hot and the beach a wonderful respite. The ladies and kids had an especially good time. It was around 7 families - with the usual suspects, so a very good time was had.

Just before the holidays I had gone on a ladies trekking trip to Pystll R**header falls and the week after walked 4.5 hours from home to the Dudle*y temple with 12 other ladies. Though enjoyed both immensely , strained my ankle and had to be on ankle braces and had to get a scan and xray done.

During the holidays it was wet and rainy, so only sleepover with her close friend V happened. R also went to Oppenheimer with her dad and Barbie with me.Also, we had been planning to take her to the Cov*ntry Vara*hi temple- as we had gone before and she had not, so took her there. Though she recited all the slokas etc, the 3 hour wait for the pooja finally did her in. We took the arathi and left while the rest of the pooja was still going on. 

While I was resting up, K and R also went hiking to PenY Fa*nn along with A, N, S families and had a good time. She was the only girl in the trip, the rest of the kids were guys 1 15 year old, 2 12 year olds and 1 10 year old - but as always, she was very comfortable and had a great time.

One evening, S organised a sudden meet up wtih Pani puri and that was good as well. Though R seems to get along and enjoy a lot with the boys and younger kids ( 2 years younger usually) than the teenagers of her own age. Mainly because she is active and likes to either chat or play while the other teenagers are glued to their mobiles. Not that R does not like her mobile time, but definitely not when there is company around and physical or conversational fun to be had.

Having said that, her closest friend in school is a ukranian kid who is 2 years older to her but who is in her class due to the English language gap. She teaches her tamil and in turn learns Ukranian from her!

Next weekend, our very close friends since 8 years who missed our house warming came home with their dog, Casper. We spent a wonderful day with them. Their daughter D and R used to be very active and chatty till a couple of years back. This year, D had changed completely and was very quiet and wanted to stay in and engage with her mobile. R was still trying to get D to chat or go for a physical game, but to no avail.  Makes me wonder if there is some hormone that has bypassed R completely. Especially since D and R are only a month part and have been mostly similar growing up!

Since K and I were both workign throughout, weekedays for R were spent studying a  bit in preparation for year 10, playing with Coco , taking him for a walk, doing some small chores and relaxign with the mobile and tele.

The week after we went for the Ther at Sri * Muru*gan T*emple, London. Unexpectedly, R and her close friend V and the other teenage boys H and T were given the sevarkodi and banners to carry around the ther for 4 hours. To their credit, the kids did it while chatting and having a good time. The entire day was fun as we had A's brother's house in the same lane as the temple - so we could have breakfast, rest, change, attend to nature's call etc without any worries. We all had dinner at Vas*antha bh*avan and came home happy tired.

The week after was the trip to S*kanda Vale on Sat and B*arafundle bay on the Sun. S*kandavale was extremely tiring as we started from home at 7 am and reached around 11 but the poojas started soon after and ended only by 8 pm. The best part was teh climb to the vel on the kundru ( V and R did it twice!). That itself was very tiring. But then there was the Murugan pooja. We visited the durga pond with the koi carps - that was very good. But the best was the ranganathar mandap which was peaceful and beautiful. The yagasala wait for the food was tiring to say the least. Then the steep climb to the kali temple and the long poooja did us in. Though the kali sacred sanctorum entry after the 2 hour pooja was very good. Most of the poojaris were welsh and their sanskrit pronunciations were interesting to say the least.

The kid attended minimal pooja but played around and generally had a great time. This time it was 6 families so quite a good gang.We had all made one item each for breakfast , so it was a veritable feast for breakfast. There was poori, channa, kadala curry, tomato thokku, noodles, semiya, pidi kozhukattai, nilakadalai chutney, idli, pongal and piping hot tea!

We stayed at the F*orge Motel and Fire*house- the rooms were next to each other, very spacious and we were so knackered that we slept soon though the motorway was right next to us. V travelled with us, stayed with us and spent time with R throughout. One of the couples had bought egg timers, toasters, peanut butter, pistachio butter, pineapple jam ( the pineapple jam with the heat of the tomato thokku on toasted bread was a big hit) and there were croissants and crepes, so breakfast was sorted.

We took some snaps and left for the bay. The weather turned wonderful, so a very good time was had at the beach. Came home after a drive of 4.5 hours, around midnight, K had everything packed and ready for his flight to Frank*furt. Checkin was at 3 am, so drove him to the airport, dropped him and dropped into bed.

Was woken by the girls at 9.18 to pick Coco up. Rushed to login, wrapped all important checks and calls, rushed to pick Coco up, cooked breakfast for the girls while working, prepped lunch, wrapped up calls and mails and was exhausted by the time M anna came to pick V up. Once V left, just set out dinner to R and flopped into bed!

There is another walk around a lake planned by the group on R's birthday and we may have a guest over the day before. And that should wrap up the holidays nicely!

Due to budget constraints, no holidays abroad this Summer, nevertheless, it has been a good break for R, I would say.

Spring holidays 2023

 Finally we had our house warming and moved into our new home. The Sumangali pooja and the housewarming pooja made me really happy. It was hectic and not perfect but the aspects that were important for me - inviting my friends with saree, choker and bangles at their home, the pooja I did personally in tamil, the samosa, beetroot, kootu soru and Kurma by S and Gulab jamoons by N and the sukku coffee was what I wanted.

The housewarming next day by the gurukkal was as I liked it. We were very upset by the attitude of the priests in the TN temples and left a very bad taste in our mouth - in this day and age, the supremacy and the demand for money by each and every one of them was beyond disgusting. Thankfully, things are different here in the UK and the gentleman we had engaged was very down to earth and did the pooja conscientiously and with true piety. The young one participated fully as he explained everything in English for her. We had a lovely day.

The food was a big hit and was universally praised. We did the traditional Thalai Vazhai Ezhai sappadu and our friends who served breakfast and lunch were particularly mentioned by all attendees as having been very attentive and caring. Thank you T and S !

There was G's function the very next week and as always it was very well organised. It helped us relax and have a good time after a hectic time shifting into the new home ( it was the very next day of shifting!). For the week of shifting, every day we had food delivered by our 6 friends plus D and A for an extra 2 days as well! It helped us focus on shifting and not worry about food. This was a great help!

The next function was dear S's 18th at the temple. Weather was a tad cold, but we managed to attend the function and yagam. Dharisanam was good as well. K had to rush back as R was a tad scared in the new house and I came back with S and M.

It was here that I heard N was unwell, so gave them lunch on Saturday. The rasam turned our too spicy but hopefully it helped clear the cold!

K started his new contract soon after and things started being hectic again. R's school reports are getting more and more brilliant and her clashes with me are competing with those reports!  ( She also passed her grade 5 and is now on to Grade 6 in singing and trinity acting and LAMDA public speaking) .We clash on every little thing and that is not saying it all! But soon after fighting like bitter enemies, we continue talking to each other as though the flash of nuclear threat did not happen at all. Baffles me as much as it does her dad. But that is R for you!

For the Spring holidays, she first started her dance practice for tamil new year and that took us to the other girls' homes - 3 out of 5. They came over one day. We then left for Lincolnshire where we stayed at the lovely , rustic and thoughtfully decorated Man*r House St*bles. We stayed at the Bo*t*y. Unlike before, with Coco pops in tow, we do not rush to tick locations off our list. We take it really easy and just go for walks after a lazy morning breakfast. We stayed in *M*artin. She loved the nook. We had breakfast before leaving at De*c* lounge. We reached around 4 pm and relaxed in the lovely cottage. The different flavoured teas, the columbian coffee, the salted butter, the plum loaf, crisps and chocolate hamper, the deep, deep tub to relax in, the lovely bath products, the flowers and the fire place were all wonderful. I made use of each of these items and revelled in their quality and aesthetics. The kitchen was so tastefully equipped - it was a pleasure to get the tea, coffee or toast done. K was frustrated with the Aga though. 

I had lovely baths on 2 days and basked in the wood fire place once. I made umpteen cups of the wonderful peach and ginger tea in the delightful loose tea kettle and also made columbian coffee cups for K. R spent some time reading in the garden swing and hiding in her nook bed.

Next day, a very late lazy brunch and left for a walk in the wolds at Tetf**d. Had a fantastic walk, taught Coco to fetch the ball. We went to the Linco** Castle and Cathedral, took pics from outside and collected Thai food from Thai***nd no 1. Turned out to be really yummy. The young one wanted to see the copy of the Magna C**ta but with Coco it would be tricky, so we skipped it.

Another lazy breakfast and off to the riverside walk It was again a 3 to 4 hours of walking with Coco bringing joy and fun to the day. We dropped them off at the cottage and set off to have some italian at Loren*o's. Was not to my or K's taste, though it was rated excellent. Shopped at the coop and made R her favourite pasta and called it a night.

Next day, we checked out and after a brief stop at a pit stop where R had subway and we some chinese, we came home and were delighted with how we felt. The home felt very welcoming and awash with light, the way we had envisaged. 

Felt truly calm and ready to hit work from the next day.

December 2022 part 4

K along with us also visited his almamater, CI**T and had a lovely time in the campus, visiting all the old haunts. We then went to my mum's place to say good bye. R was chatting with her and mum was so delighted that she gave her a chain and a ring. R was very proud :)

My uncle and aunt just happened to call to announce the birth of their granddaughter in the US. They were delighted to know we were there and immediately all plans changed and before leaving to the airport, they insisted to take us to the 'Annalaks**' restaurant. R delighted them as well and they insisted that we wrap up our work and let htem know once we reach the airport so they could come and see us off.

Our 'work' was to buy some tanjore paintings and also visit B, M and A at B's childhood home. Once again, we had a lovely time. R had mentioned she felt like having Samosa, so there it was big and small, with of course other home made delights. Young A also sang 3 lovely songs, one kannana kanne, one ranga puravihara and one sanskrit murugan song - beautifully.

 We went from there to the airport where my uncle and aunt had kindly got some nochi leaves to cure my throat cold and gave us some more home made stuff as well.

We moved to another hotel nearer to C and V ( they had both sets of inlaws living with them, so we opted not to stay at their home this time) and went on our usual end of the year trip. Had the best time at Mtham resort, dancing for folk music, lovely food, swimming, archery, shooting, table tennis, bad minton, oonjal, bullock cart rides, kayiru kattil tea with bajji and chutney, pump set kuliyal, milking of hte cows etc - but C fell unwell ( later diagnosed as swine flu contracted from her fil), so they left early with little K who was coughing as well. Ra was owed time with our R ( due to his trip earlier), so he stayed back with us. We had a lovely time and visited Mahabs  five chariots. Could not go to the shore temple due to the crowd and heat. 

We then visited Marin* mall where the kids had a blast with fish spa, pizza, pasta, icecream, samosa, cake - Ra had to match K's fun with R after all! :) Came back to the hotel and R and Ra played fooze ball. Dropped Ra back on new year's eve but could not do the cake cutting and celeberation as C was still unwell.

We had a photo shoot for a family album and R had a blast with professional make up and hair dressing done.

Last minute shopping and packing was done and on the eve of our leaving, we ensured we did our ritual cake cutting and celeberation for ushering in the new year.

The grandparents came to spend some time with R, so R, K and the grandparents had lunch in the hotel and R played fooze ball and chess with her thathiya while I wrapped up the packing. Visited the nearby temple as always before leaving.

Came back refreshed, rebonded and ready to face the challenges of our building site once again! :)

PS one of hte best bits was that we had a consultation with a Homeo doctor and with her medication, R's monthly troubles had a drastic change, int hat they were dramatically reduced in volume and hence the trip was relatively smooth. Yet to see the effect of the remaining tablets.

December 2022 part 3

 Too tired to document the trip day by day, so just a few highlights

Food throughout the trip was awesome. Be it the sw**ggy hot chocolate, sugar cane juice, andhi* kadai, South Indian village specialities or the meals at C’s place or the breakfast at Mari**, or vasantha bh** at Phoen** mall or Savya * rasa Kerala meal or ‘inti**bo**Janam on our weddding day or the best of all meals at the Marutham** res**ort ( ulundhu kali, Kambu kanji, avarakkai poriyal and lots of the other food that took me to healthy 80s Kalyana sappadu)

R was praised by both K’s grandparents as well as my  mum and uncle and aunt and sister in law for being friendly, polite, cleaning up after her, helping them out, attempting to speak tamil always and for her ‘lovely’ habits. She made me inordinately proud and even when they teased me about how I must be a very strict mum, while I expected her to agree with them and complain, she just hugged and kissed me, in response. I was on top of the world and though confused by her behaviour which contrasted with our fights which still continued when we were alone, was very very proud.

R, Ra and K, the three musketeers as always had the greatest fun. Ra , K and C came to visit us the day after we arrived and the usual bonding picked up right away. Ra had a school trip to go to, so just little K and R enjoyed  with K in the hotel pool and mall while C and I went to our ritual T naga* shopping. They had a blast, we had a blast and poor R was in tears epwhen he returned from his trip as he hated missing out, though he himself had great fun in his trip. 

Sometimes the young one and I went by ourselves to the mall where I got her a blow dry and I got my nails done and we shopped and bonded.

Given the health actionconcerns we both went for a daylong health check up and it was worse than being in a busy railway st best.  Those couple of days were the worst and I picked up a nasty throat infection that troubled me painfully for 8 days. Never again at Ap*ll* Centre! 

Though the follow up fell on our wedding day, C kindly took R for the day ( and what a day R had, being pampered by C with bangles and shopping and picking up young K from school) , we wrapped up the follow up and went for a lovely andhra lunch, parthasarathy temple and marina beach. We also accidentally dicsovered that the lady providing me with blouse was S **Sekh**r's daughter in law. We went inside so had a glimpse at the house as well.

K and I went to Kanchipuram and visited the Kamashi temple, which was very clean and very well maintained. Athi varadhar, ekambara temple and on the advice of our friend, the chitragupta temple as well. The young one preferred to rest and was on face time throughout. We started quite early and hence finished all of it and had time to also go to the famous Bbu SAH shop. 

The young one was at her grandparents' house a lot and had a good time. She charmed them and their neighbours as well. She was not comfortable with the toilets there, hence our stay at the hotel. 

We went to mylapore temple with C and the boys and also finished a lot of the photo frames and lamps shopping there. The temple was as charming as always.

Two days before xmas, C's apartment had a xmas celebration party and it was awesome. In the outdoors there was food, music and dance by kids and parents. The best bit was the pet show where the apartment pets - including a tortoise, were presented by kids and parents. Browser, Maggie, Maran etc were some of the delightful participants. Made us miss our dear Coco lots!

Just before leaving for coim, R and I had yet another massive fight. This time C came to visit to reconcile us and advised us both strongly. We seemed to understand each other a little more and it definitely helped. We all went to the mall to watch 'Avta the wate world' in the freezing AC of the mall and caught dinner at V bhavan. late in the night.. K fell sick the next day.

The 4 day coimbatre trip was awesome as well. The flight reached on time and we checked in to the I*on annapo*rna hotel. The rooms were big and nice but service all throughout the city and especially the hotel was apalling. K fell sick the first two days and rested in the room. I took the young one to my school , showed her around and also to my childhood favourite haunts of laxmi complex and 'Selva singh' stores. We both bonded quite well. B, M and young A, our friends from Solihull delighted us with a dinner treat from the fine dining K*ve restaurant along with their mum. They gave us lovely gifts of silk saree, silk dhoti and silk pavadai and sattai for the young one. Also, the divine tanjore painting of Muruga for our new abode. 

We visited my sis in law's new cbe flat at Cas* Grand* and the young one spent some good time with her cousin N.  They were taking a break here post N's graduation and will return to their home in the US post a month or so.

I took the young one to visit my mum, who she delighted with her tamil and general friendliness.

The next day we started early to Martha Malai. On the way we picked up M. M, the young one and I climbed all the stairs, while K who was still recovering came up by car. We had a fantastic dharshan and M send me and R on a second round since I was so happy. Truly a brother from another mother! :)

We then dropped M. We also visited cousin N with K and took her to perur temple. Once again a lovely dharshan and the kovil yaanai darisanam was done,

Continued

December 2022 part 2

 K had, despite everything planned the trip very well as well. Just to add to the work, house build, shenanigans of R and I and the planning of the trip and taking care of Coco who had decided to do middle of the night outings, he had also attended and cleared his interview for the next contract and had an offer on hand.

We had planned to spend a day extra in Dubai as I wanted to visit the gold souk though we have holidayed  extensively in Dubai. To be fair, R helped us with the luggages, the transit etc and was not being a spoilt brat. The airlines had organised a stay for us in a hotel  (Coptho**rne)and had given us 2 rooms. To maintain peace I took a room and K and R the other. We had not told R, so when I turned away to another room, she was mildly shocked and came immediately over to hug me and ask if I would not be lonely alone. She and I were not on talking terms just for a couple of hours before then. It is moments like this that reassure me how intrinsically sweet she is, despite everything. We slept well

The room was, clean, ample space and all three meals were provided. I really liked the buffet spread that was on offer, all three times. We went to the souk, did some shopping and walked back the marina where K had spent time as an youngster fresh out of his engineering as his first job from campus was in the UAE

We also purchased gifts for C and V and also Addu at the airport. Even at the souk, R was very friendly to strangers and generally polite to everybody. There was a Saudi lady sat next to her, fully covered  and she piped up’ I like your eye make up’. They all immediately smiled and complimented me on my friendly teen. If only they knew!

We landed around 8 am in Chennai. The flights were ok but the food was terrible. K’s dear friend SKN was a big shot in  Chennai, so had arranged for a special attendant to usher us through the airport formalities on a priority basis and also for the golf cart to collect us straight out of the flight. R was mighty embarrassed as none of us were expecting this and were stunned.

An innova car was waiting for us but getting out of the parking from the airport was chaotic. We reached our West**n Vela**chery hotel. SKN had arranged an early check in for us, so it was a relief to check in and relax. We did not opt for the hotel breakfast but ordered healthy fare from sw**ggy and loved it. Our friend V had already arranged for local sims and phones, so K immediately called his parents and they were delighted to talk to R and could not wait to see her.

..continued 

December 2022

 Year 2022 especially after the young one turned a teen was shocking to say the least. It was as though a switch had been flipped and my sweet and innocent little one just realised that I could perhaps be an enemy spy planted to cause her harm or some such! We have always had arguments and clashes but these assumed epic proportions. She did not want to be ‘told’ to do anything, be it breakfast or dressing up or general hygiene or sleeping hours. Everything became a battle and every generally agreed rule was broken. Us being stuck in a poorly insulated, noisy flat wit K going through his busiest and most stressful contract while we balanced the house build and the delays there on, only added to the stress.

Due to not drinking water and a really stupid impulsive act, we had to take her overnight to the hospital three times. The first time was after K had not literally slept for two days due to ongoing programme work. We were really angry with her general thoughtlessness and were  at the end of our tether. I started crying at the drop of a hat and started having chest heaviness. One day this got so bad that on citing the symptoms to non urgent care in a call, they immediately sent an ambulance and I had to spend a day at the hospital getting cardiac checks done. Turns out there was an inversion/ anomaly in the heart beat but they were not unduly worried.

She was turning away from her close friends at school as well but at the same time doing well in her studies and won a Physics presentation as well. 

Our dear friend S was facing similar issues with her daughter, so she came over with R's favourite potato fry and took her for a long walk. She came back and said R was as innocent as ever and is only missing chats with a sibling to complain about parents, which all her other peers seem to have. Otherwise she had nothing bad to say about us. :(

We had planned to do our house warming before leaving, unfortunately I had to cancel invitations sent out due to supply issues with the glass lanterns.

It is in this context that we left to India. The trip to the airport was fraught as R and I just could not get along. k had a tough time keeping us civil to each other.

..continued